Resilience week 2

Hello again OMA members, Our apologies for the late post!

Today marks Week 2 of Resilience training with our Kids. Remember last week when we asked you to remember your child's acts of resilience if it came up? Well, now you will learn why. But first... Some advice.

It is sometimes in our nature as parents to want to consistently "protect" our children. Of course, that is quite possibly the first thing we say to our child when we were holding them for the first time. There is a deep need with in us to make sure no harm comes to our child, it is coded in our DNA. But what sometimes we forget is that tales of resilience in your child's life will help build memories that can aid in defining them as adults. A child that lead a worry free life without any hardships is bound to have an unbalanced adulthood and perhaps even a unhealthy outlook on life in general. In life, we MUST fall, if only in order to learn how to get back up.

Psychologists have identified three kinds of unifying narratives when it some to resilience. The first is the ascending narrative, the rags to riches, Horatio Alger story that so captivated American minds in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. The second storyline is the opposite of the first; it’s a descending tale of how we once had it all and then we lost it. The archetypal version of this might by the story of our expulsion from the Garden of Eden. The third unifying narrative is the combination of the first two; it is the oscillating account of how we had it, lost it and then got it back again. When it comes to boys getting and losing girls, it’s a Hollywood’s favourite. The oscillating story has an ecological dynamic and, not surprisingly, it turns out to be healthiest story of the three when it comes to creating resilient families. Children with such stories have a strong sense of their identity, of their “intergenerational self”. This is their role in following the traditions and living up to the standards of those who have gone before them and passing something of value onto those who follow.

Now, don't get me wrong. We're not saying to allow harm to befall your child only so that they learn a lesson. That would be cruel. The moral of which I am trying to impart is that we as parents have to accept that hardships happen in children's lives and use this as a teaching tool. Rather than trying to fix it for the child, or even worse "Shield" them from the truth in order to spare their feelings. This goes for small things like a poor grade on a spelling test or not being able to replicate a move in Martial Arts Class, to large life altering events like perhaps a divorce or a death in the family.

Resilience is a character defining attribute in an OMA warrior and allowing, helping and supporting your child to overcome their own demons will help them far more in their lives then you fixing it for them. However tempting that might be.

Now, Back to "In class Application"

This week in class we are going to do some positive reinforcement and we need your help. This week Sensei will ask parents at the end of class if anyone has a tale of resilience that they would like to share. Sensei will choose one of two people to speak aloud about their child's story of resilience.

This will serve two purposes, first, it will show the class how good it feels to do what is right... Especially when we didn't want to and it rewards the child internally for making the hard decision. And second, for kids whom perhaps made poor decisions during the week, it'll give them a moment of introspective reflection... even if its subconscious... about their decisions in the past week. This way no child has to be reprimanded in class for not taking the lesson to heart.

What we need parents to be conscious of is to not embellish the stories for the sake of their child. Or even worse... Make up a story so that their child doesn't feel bad. The whole point of this exercise is to teach resilience and to aid in your child's decision making abilities. If in fact your child DOES feel bad (Which they shouldn't, it's the reason the exercise is set up in this way, but it can happen) Remind your child that decisions have consequences, And if they are upset with that then the easiest way to fix it is to make better decisions no matter how hard. And remind them of the word of the month. Resilience. Let's hold our head high, pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and do better next week!

I hope this helps! Remember to come to us if you have any questions!

Respectfully in the Arts,

Mike O'Laskey

O'Laskey Martial Arts is Located at

1312 W. Magnolia Blvd

Burbank, Ca, 91506

Phn 818-480-7810

www.olaskeyma.com